Truth: I have been putting off writing.
Lie: Writing is not good for me.
Writing is good for me. A week or so ago I was having one of those lonely nights that people have when they move to a new place. I had lots of homework piled on top of my wicker chest. Books that needed to be analyzed, response papers that needed to be written. But all I wanted was a good coffee date with a friend. Maybe you have had nights like that. In order to prevent an onslaught of self-pity, I began looking through my thankfulness journal. I began it last year on November 21st. I have been going through it slowly- I am on 700 something now. As I looked through the numbered items, I saw that many of the things I was thankful for had come into my life unexpectedly: new friends, the weather, students' comments, random text messages, and impromptu late night movie viewings with Mom.
I did not plan any of them. They simply came up, and I received them as gifts. They did not come after I had done great deeds either. These surprises often came after disappointments and lonely nights.
Here are some things that have surprised me here:
(1) My cell phone died a couple of weeks after I got here. One week with no cell phone meant I had to interact with the people around me. I had to notice the sunsets every evening on my walks by the Warrior River. I allowed Tuscaloosa to start becoming home.
(2) It rains very often here, more often than in Dothan. I enjoy it.
(3) My roommate got a little boxer from the Humane Society. Her name is Stella, and I absolutely love her.
(4) One of the first friends I made here, Stephanie, is so similar to me. What a blessing to meet someone who shares so many of the same experiences.
(5) I talk frequently in all my classes. I don't analyze every single thing that I say out loud in a class anymore!
(6) I changed my concentration from literature to rhetoric/composition. I enjoy that slice of English studies more.
(7) I am going to buy a T.V. That is very surprising.
(8) I think I have found a church to become a part of already. Wow, that was quick!
Here is a quote that I love. It has to do with surprises.
"Happiness turns up more or less where you'd expect it to-- a good marriage, a rewarding job, a pleasant vacation. Joy, on the other hand, is as notoriously unpredictable as the One who bequeaths it." -Frederick Buechner
"You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." -Psalm 16:11
Monday, September 24, 2012
Contradictions
Contradictions are difficult. I ran into many of them a couple of days ago when I wrote my first formal paper for graduate school. My assignment was to read Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, and then to write five pages about what I found interesting.
I hated Wuthering Heights. I did not connect with a single character. The characters' lives were perfect train wrecks, their children's lives became train wrecks shortly upon entering the world due to their parents' lives, and then the characters, most of them at least, die. Most of the dialogue between characters is colored by hatred and a desire for revenge. Characters abuse their children, the religious man in the novel is actually a manipulative tyrant, and emotions rage out of control.
I figured I could easily write a five page paper in a day, especially on such a straightforward book.
But, my figure was wrong.
I flew through writing my introduction: Heathcliff and Hindley (two of the main characters) are products of their father's absence. Simple. However, when I began looking back in the text to prove this, I realized things were so much more confusing than I thought. They were not entirely products of their father's mistakes; they had both made plenty of choices in their freedom that led to their demises. They were COMPLEX. Ahhhh! (That "ahhh!" is not the feeling you get when you are sinking into a warm bath but rather the feeling you get when you wake up from a nap in the library and see that you have a missed call from your employer asking where you are...both have happened to me, and the former is definitely better).
This complexity thing freaked me out. I emailed the professor and asked for an extension, citing contradictions as the problem. He approved and also said "Hint about contradictions: they are your friends."
Contradictions are scary because they cause me to re-consider something I had previously known as a fact.
Isn't it funny that I, with a finite perspective, who live in a fallen world, would be afraid of contradictions. They will inevitably happen to any thinking person who looks around them and tries to interpret the world.
I hated Wuthering Heights. I did not connect with a single character. The characters' lives were perfect train wrecks, their children's lives became train wrecks shortly upon entering the world due to their parents' lives, and then the characters, most of them at least, die. Most of the dialogue between characters is colored by hatred and a desire for revenge. Characters abuse their children, the religious man in the novel is actually a manipulative tyrant, and emotions rage out of control.
I figured I could easily write a five page paper in a day, especially on such a straightforward book.
But, my figure was wrong.
I flew through writing my introduction: Heathcliff and Hindley (two of the main characters) are products of their father's absence. Simple. However, when I began looking back in the text to prove this, I realized things were so much more confusing than I thought. They were not entirely products of their father's mistakes; they had both made plenty of choices in their freedom that led to their demises. They were COMPLEX. Ahhhh! (That "ahhh!" is not the feeling you get when you are sinking into a warm bath but rather the feeling you get when you wake up from a nap in the library and see that you have a missed call from your employer asking where you are...both have happened to me, and the former is definitely better).
This complexity thing freaked me out. I emailed the professor and asked for an extension, citing contradictions as the problem. He approved and also said "Hint about contradictions: they are your friends."
Contradictions are scary because they cause me to re-consider something I had previously known as a fact.
Isn't it funny that I, with a finite perspective, who live in a fallen world, would be afraid of contradictions. They will inevitably happen to any thinking person who looks around them and tries to interpret the world.
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