Fear is a struggle for me. At times, I have been afraid of very specific things that are external to me. Cancer, dating, and Hell come to mind. (Dating doesn't seem to fit in with cancer and Hell, does it? :)
At other times, like more recently, I have been afraid of myself. I have wondered if I could do anything that would make my friends, or family, or the Lord reject me. This fear, the fear of doing something wrong, has controlled me at times in the past couple of months. And I have got to tell y'all- the fear of whether or not people would reject me loomed much LARGER than God's possible rejection.
I've realized that the things I fear are the things I can be in slavery to- I have feared failure which means I have been a slave to success. I have feared people disapproving of me which means I have been a slave to the approval of others. I have feared loneliness which means I have been a slave to intimacy however false or contrived. And, please don't misunderstand me. I think we all fear these things to a degree, but I am talking about when the fears consume your thoughts and prevent you from pursuing LIFE :)
I have always wondered why in the Bible, the "fear of the Lord" was a good thing.
Fear of ___________ (person in my life) meant that I 1) doubted their love for me 2) wondered when they would get tired of me 3) avoided all their eye contact 4) stuttered around them or 5) didn't confront them when they hurt me / didn't apologize when I hurt them.
So, why would I fear the Lord when this was what is was like for me to fear a person?
Because if I fear God, I can be a slave to HIM. And, I'm realizing, being a slave to the Lord is the truest kind of freedom there is. When the Prodigal Son came back to his Father after squandering his Father's money, he asked his Father if he could be one of his slaves (hired servants, technically). The Father, instead, dressed him in a robe and placed a ring on his finger and threw him a banquet. The Father says to his servants "For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found." Being a slave to the Lord means being His daughter. Fear of the Lord means trusting His character. He is a good Master and Lord- He will never abandon me, misunderstand me, lead me on an ultimately destructive path, did I say He will never leave me? That's a big one for me.
Why would I not want to be a slave to a Master like that? I won't have to second-guess His love. I won't have to fear rejection.
I might just want to replace my fear of everything else with a fear of the Lord.
